Sunday, December 9, 2012

Christmas Spectacular - Christmas With the Kranks

Christmas? Who needs it. Let's go to the Bahamas. Or maybe we should stay in town take turns crapping in Santa's hat. Yeah, that sounds like more fun. Bring on the Chipotle!

Click the link to learn what bad kids get to watch at Christmas.
Tim Allen and Jaimie Lee Curtis are the proud parents of a young woman who is going to Africa for a few years to work in the Peace Corps. Mom is a bit heartbroken that her little baby is leaving home, but dad thinks that maybe this year instead they should take the money they usually spend on decorating and go on a cruise instead.

Wait a minute? Use the decorating money for a cruise? How much do Christmas trees cost? Apparently in this neighbourhood they cost around $6000. You see, in this insane town, everybody on the block spends tons of money to out-decorate each other. I'm guessing it's a Scientology thing.
Ya see, the secret is to use real deer bones.
Unfortunately for our happy couple, the neighbourhood doesn't like their idea too much. The thing is, if there is that one dark spot on the street, people will begin to think evil things are afoot. The self-proclaimed head of the town Christmas committee, played by Dan Aykroyd, decides that it's unacceptable for them to go, and slowly try to terrorise them into giving up their trip and decorating instead.
Decorate the house, or you will know what real terror is.
 (PS, the terror is watching this movie.)
All that terror is for nothing though, as their daughter decides she's too homesick (after a week or two) to go to Africa and help needy children. She needs a big dose of Mom's Christmas turkey, and lost of presents. Not only that, she decided to bring her fiancee along. So now Allen and Curtis are forced to rush around, trying their hardest to get the house in order in time for the holidays. And maybe, the town will lend a hand to make sure this real Christmas miracle will happen.
Now that you did exactly what we told you to do, we can be friends again.


Is there Christmas spirit? Hmm. I might have to say that this is one Christmas movie where there is absolutely no semblance of what might actually be called Christmas Spirit. The town loves to celebrate and decorate their houses. But why?  It's run more as a competition to see who's house uses more electricity on Christmas eve. So, no Virginia. There is no Christmas spirit.

Is this movie funny though?  Just hold on and look at a couple of pictures. They speak for themselves.
I'm wearing an ugly shirt and sunglasses. AND it's Christmas. Wacky!
Riding a shopping cart like a surfboard? Too zany!
Botox and fake tans...DURING THE HOLIDAYS!? Oh my god! FUNNY!.
Really, this movie is scarier than funny. The neighbours basically threaten the couple because they want to do something different for Christmas. That's not basking in the holiday glow. That's insane. In the real world, it's more likely that the couple would tell the daughter to join them on the cruise and then sell their house to move somewhere un-insane.

My best advice is, if you can find this movie in the bargain bin, buy it. Then when you want your kids to go to bed on Christmas eve, pop it in the DVD player. They'll run to their bedrooms in terror faster than you can say "Santa isn't real. He's Uncle Ryan. Don't sit on his lap kids."

SCORE: One tropical rum cocktail, slowly poured over the electrical socket while you're decorating your tree.

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