Sunday, September 30, 2012

Cowboys and Aliens

What happens when you take James bond, Indiana jones and the aliens from district 9, and throw them all together in a wild west adventure? My friends, you get cowboys and aliens.

Click the link to head west...

We start off like any movie, with our hero, played by Daniel Craig, waking up in the desert with a strange device strapped to his wrist.  This is only the start of the mystery. He also has no memory or shoes whatsoever.
Yes, just like that.
He winds up in a town which is being terrorized by a loudmouthed kid, waving his gun around and acting like a dick, in general. This is the son of Harrison ford, a low down, dirty dealing old cattle rancher who practically runs the town.
What happened to his shirt?
Through s series of whimsical actions, both Craig and the loudmouth kid wind up shackled in a wagon on their way to jail, just when aliens decide to attack.

This is when Craig learns his pretty bracelet is more than just a pretty bracelet. It is in fact a highly advanced piece of technology which can be used to shoot the aliens. He downs one of the ships and in the process let's one of the aliens escape into the desert.
Back in the 1880's every kid wanted one of these.

When half the town gets kidnapped by the aliens, including Harrison Ford's whiny son, everyone teams up to hunt down the aliens rescue the people. It's a good-old-fashioned lynch mob. Throughout the journey, as Craig has more and more flashbacks, it's discovered that the aliens have come to these parts to steal the sweet sweet gold beneath the feat of the townsfolk. They're even taking their pocket watches, for goodness sake! Who would want to do that?
Pimp aliens. That's who.

I went into this movie with great expectations. I mean, James Bond? Indiana Jones? Aliens? Cowboys? The only thing this didn't have was 1980's Arnold Schwarzenegger. So in theory, this idea is great. And overall, it was pretty entertaining. The part where it lost me was with the aliens.

Wait. What? The aliens? That's right. Half the title of this movie left me disappointed beyond all belief. Let's see what these baddies looked like.
Ok, I guess that's kind of cool. But, it looks very insect like. A huge, carapace-covered monstrosity. Very original and... wait a second. 

Ok. District 9. That was a cool alien. But insect-like aliens are pretty cool...

Oh. Ok. So...bug aliens. Whatever. I still thought the design was kind of cool. The thing that put me off was the fact that, once again, the aliens were naturally faster and stronger than the humans. No matter what alien visits Earth, aside from ET or Mac and Me, they are for some reason super strong and agile. Maybe this is due to our yellow sun. I don't know. What I do know, though, is that aliens, no matter how advance, hate to wear clothes.  Especially in a foreign atmosphere.

FINAL SCORE- Three shots of rye and a half-filled spittoon.

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